In this increasingly manic world it's often hard to find time to hear yourself think just to stand still. If you are of a naturally conservative disposition, but find most of your waking hours are taken up sitting in places where you make money, standing in places where you spend it and driving between the two, then you are unlikely to have the time to construct robust, coherent arguments to defend your increasingly embattled opinions. Fear not, for this is your handy guide to seeing off a chippy lefty without breaking a sweat. Simply follow these rules:
1. If they look poor, accuse them of the "politics of envy"
2. If they look rich, accused them of being a "champagne socialist".
3. If they look neither particularly rich nor particularly poor then point out that human nature is intrinsically selfish and violent and make it clear that if they don't agree with you, you'll hit them and steal their wallet, just to prove the point.
4. Now quickly retreat from the conversation happy in the knowledge that being smug and reactionary requires absolutely no effort whatsoever. Job done!
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